Confessions of a recently engaged woman

1. I never thought I was a shiny ring kind of girl. But I tell you what--when someone grabs my hand and tells me how beautiful my ring is, all I can think is what a good job Dave did and how happy I am that he didn't listen to me (as far as size). It's so pretty!

2. I always thought I didn't have opinions about certain wedding planning things, but now as I'm presented with decisions I find that I do have opinions. Strong ones, it turns out. And it's really stressing me out. I think I need to find some soul-centering activity, like yoga.

3. I wasn't going to have bridesmaids. I thought I was too old for that nonsense. Then I started trying to plan a wedding alone in St. George and without a mother. I now have six bridesmaids and my wedding planning life is a thousand times better. Now if I could just find appropriate dresses, we would be set.

4. While we're on the topic of my mom, planning a wedding without her has been hard. We're coming up on the two year anniversary of her death and, while I try not to let it, the date kind of looms. Yesterday I was so stressed out with planning that I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and couldn't get back to sleep. Irrational thoughts ruled the darkness and I started getting scared of the future. It reached its fever pitch when, suddenly and unexpectedly, I felt sleepy and couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I dreamed that I was allowed to talk to Mom on the phone about all of my worries. I don't recall the details of our conversation, only that in the end she told me it would be okay and, when I woke up, my heart was at peace. I think maybe she's more involved in this whole process than I realize. I'm positive she's doing all she can to make sure I don't screw it up.

5. Pretty sure I'm going to be living by the spreadsheet for the next couple of months. It feels so good to put everything into their own little box. I am a recovering red, after all.

6. I love Dave. Every day I am amazed that this is even happening. It's such a miracle that we found each other. Even more of a miracle that we fell in love with each other. He'll for sure blush when (if) he reads this, but, you know, I live with my crazy every day. I know what kinds of cracked out things go on in my head. So it's amazing to me that he loves me, crazy and all. Every once in a while the crazy makes its way out of my mouth and falls on his ears. The longer we are together, the more of those cracked out ideas, thoughts, opinions, rants, etc. he gets. And what does he do? Most of the time he just laughs. Sometimes he hugs me, but that's only if my internal dialogue is accompanied or followed by tears (like last night). But most of the time he just laughs. If it were anyone else, I would smack them, but for some reason when he does it, I am able to see just how ridiculous I am and usually start laughing, too. We are going to have a wonderful life, I think.